As we’ve just recently shared, we are so blessed to be experiencing another pregnancy and to know that soon we will be bringing another gift of life into this world. Yes, Roman just turned 1 and that’s very soon to be pregnant again, (we know!) and I’ve shared in previous blog posts why we’ve chosen not to use birth control. But It’s about so much more than that. It’s not by accident that we got pregnant again, it’s not by chance because we weren’t preventing, but it’s by God’s will. I know that for a fact, not only because our prayer is to be walking exactly in His perfect plan, but because of how very evident His hand over our life is.

Shortly after Roman was born, we had the discussion about accepting that more than likely we would have children close in age because we chose not to use birth control. But during that discussion, we realized that when we’re trusting God’s will- we have to be aware of the fact that just because we think something is likely, doesn’t mean that’s His plan. He could have chosen to only bless us with Roman, and while we desired to have more children in the future, we trust that His ways are higher than ours. So whatever was in store, we would remain faithful.

We’ve gotten some not-so-supportive reactions like, “wow! don’t you know what causes that?” Or “are you sure you’re ready for all that?” And so fourth, but God’s word doesn’t tell us to plan, or not to plan pregnancies. It doesn’t say to map out your life exactly how you want, and to control it yourself. It says the opposite- it says to trust Him because He knows what’s best for us. He created us. His love is so constant, gentle, merciful and patient to us- and the least we could do in return is to do our best to glorify Him with every detail of our lives.

I know that this pregnancy was completely ordained by the Lord, and here’s why. Ever since having Roman, my prayer was that He would show me favor by protecting me from becoming pregnant right away because I selfishly didn’t desire that. I wanted to give my body a “break”. I prayed that all year long, up until the week of Thanksgiving. I felt convicted about the fact that I was praying for something that could have been against what He wanted for our family. As I prayed, I asked Him to forgive me for my selfishness and for Him to prepare me for whatever he had planned. I prayed that His will would be done in our family, whatever that looked like. I wanted to surrender everything I am to Him, so I did.

A few weeks had passed, and then one night I woke up out of a dream that left me in wonder. In this dream, there was a black room with a name written in white light – as if it had been written with a sparkler like on the 4th of July. This dream was so vivid and I saw this name so clearly. Over the next couple of nights as I prayed, I asked God to reveal to me what this dream was, and immediately He did. It was the name of a child – and the meaning behind it was that this child would light up the darkness. I didn’t even know that I was pregnant at the time, and I’m in tears as I write this because I am in such awe of our God. Needless to say, we will be giving this name to our new baby regardless of the gender.

Earlier this year, I read this book called “Discerning the voice of God” by Priscilla Shirer, and it has completely molded my relationship with The Lord. It taught me just how intimately He wants to connect with us, speak to us, and teach us. Seeking Him with all of my heart and taking time to just be still and listen for Him has been the best decision of my life- and my greatest privilege. I’m in awe that He has spoken to me so specifically, and that He wants that with all of us.

The day after I had the dream, I was out running errands and went by Walgreens to grab a test, just in case, feeling like it was silly of me because I just *knew* it would be negative. I planned to take it after I got home, but after getting to TJ Maxx to finish up my Christmas shopping I just had the strong urge to take it then and there. Sure enough that positive line appeared in the bathroom of TJ Maxx and my heart pounded like never before. But the craziest part is that I wasn’t the least bit overwhelmed. Complete peace flooded my soul as if I just knew, right then, that God’s mighty hand was over it all.

It was a week before Christmas, but I knew that I wanted to tell my husband on Christmas morning while we sat on our living room floor opening our stockings with Roman, for the first time as a family of 3. Needless to say I was bursting at the seams and keeping that from him for an entire week was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in my life – but it was so worth the wait.

I stuffed the positive test in this secretive little black box and left it in his stocking, and watching him open it was one of the sweetest and happiest moments of my life. More happy tears than I prepared myself for, as we watched Roman play with his new toys and we celebrated this news that would forever change our lives.