5 months. 5 months since you came into this world. 5 months since we brought you home. 5 months of the most joy my heart can even fathom.

I can’t believe how fast the time is passing by. It makes me so sad yet so excited all at once. It’s so true when they say “the days are long, but the years are short”.

As I sit here rocking you to sleep I can’t help but reflect on the past 5 months and realize how much you’ve grown and how much you amaze me each day with the new things you learn.

Things you love:

Your milk! – You’ve been exclusively breast fed since day 1 with no end in sight. You’ve never had a drop of anything else and we’ve overcame every obstacle thrown our way. I’m so proud of how far we’ve come!

Daddy! – You instantly light up when he walks in the room and shout the happiest little squeals when he gives you kisses! You think he’s so funny!

Watching basketball – (No, really!) daddy is so happy about this and mama feels a little out numbered. I think it’s because of all the movement, colors and loud noise but daddy is convinced that you love Lebron James as much as he does. *eye roll*

Being outside – you are such a little boy already! I can already see it being hard to keep you out of the mud & dirt when you are a little older. You are so peaceful and interested in everything as soon as we step outside.

Getting your diaper changed – Maybe because daddy & I always dip your wipes in warm water! Most people would think we’re spoiling you but I know I wouldn’t want my butt wiped with an ice cold wipe either!

Bath time – Oh boy, the kitchen (and mommy + daddy) are soaked with water every time but it’s so sweet to watch you splash and play.

Things you aren’t a fan of:

Sleep – you fight your sleep every single time and it takes a lot of work to get you to rest majority of the time.

Being still – You’re always wanting to be moving! You get bored pretty easily and we’re always having to come up with new ways to keep you entertained but I love seeing your face light up when we try doing something new!

Being by yourself – You get sad as soon as we step out of the room but that’s okay because I miss you as soon as I step out of the room, too. And as emotional as it makes me, I know you won’t always need me this much.

You are always discovering new noises that you can make and are becoming such a fast learner. As of right now, your biggest fascination is a Gatorade bottle and cups of all sorts. You aren’t sitting up on your own quite yet but are so close to crawling.

You just recently took your very first road trip (12 hours!) and did so amazing with it. Of course we had to break it up between two days of driving, but seeing how far you’ve come in regards to liking your car seat had mommy and daddy so impressed!

Seeing the way your eyes light up when we read our bible stories together, and how you always make the sweetest noises when we pray together make it so obvious to me that the Lord is already working in your sweet little spirit. I know He has such amazing plans for your life and I’m so excited to watch them unfold as you become the man of God He has created you to be.

You have given my heart more joy than I could have ever even hoped for. Thank you for being you, my perfect angel.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” 3 John 1:4

The first day we brought Roman home, I couldn’t stop just staring at him. Who am I kidding, here we are almost 4 months later and I still can’t stop staring at him. I remember feeling so joyfully overwhelmed with the realization that he was ours to keep. He was ours and we were his. This tiny angel was completely dependent on us and it was such a great responsibility.

I felt so connected to him during my pregnancy and thought I couldn’t possibly love him more, but oh was I wrong. So wrong. There is absolutely nothing that anyone could have said to me that would have prepared me for the unexplainable amount of love that I was going to feel after he was born. A kind of love that can’t be described and can only be felt. I believe that this is just a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father feels for us as he calls us His children, and that makes me want nothing more in this life than to please Him and bring all glory to His name.

During the first couple months of Roman’s life, we struggled with some tummy issues that left him quite uncomfortable and unhappy which made this mama heart of mine break. Nursing was the only thing that would soothe him and while that left me on the couch with him practically 24/7, I’m so grateful for the bond that was established and that I was his sense of security and a safe place for him to be comforted.

After trying everything we could think of to make him feel better for weeks on end, it’s left me to feel such compassion for other mamas who truly are doing their best. I have to shamefully admit that there have been many times in the grocery store that I’ve seen an unhappy baby and was so quick to judge, thinking to myself, “I wonder why no one is taking care of that baby” or “I wonder what their parents are doing wrong”. Then The Lord quickly humbled my heart when I became a mommy to a baby who was going through those same unhappy spells no matter what I did to take care of him with the very best of my ability. I know deep down that’s why He allowed me to experience those struggles and I’m thankful for the way he gently softened my heart.

By God’s grace alone, Roman’s tummy troubles are completely gone and he’s now a brand new baby who’s always smiling and giggling! Having the great privilege of being a stay-at-home mommy and getting to watch each and every milestone is truly the joy of my heart and there’s no doubt in my mind that’s what I was put on this earth to do. My greatest hope is that I will always fill his little spirit with God’s word and show him the truth of God’s goodness. I can only pray that He continues to give me the wisdom I need to be a Godly wife and mother and to always point my family toward Him.

I am so in love with this little boy. To say that he has stolen my heart would be an absolute understatement. I laugh when he laughs, I hurt when he hurts, and to know I can’t protect him from everything painful in this world makes my heart ache. But as long as at the end of each day he knows that I’ve loved him with every fiber of my being, and was there to meet his every need, I could not want anything more. He made me who I was meant to be – he made me a mommy.

“Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” – Andy Stanley

     Roman’s Birth Story

 “The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” – Romans 8:18

My favorite story.

My whole pregnancy, I prayed that God would allow me to go into labor on my own. I wanted to avoid being induced and I wanted so badly to experience my water breaking on its own. Research shows that only 10% of women have their water break without a doctor’s interference so I wasn’t getting my hopes up for that one.

On Tuesday, January 12th, Colin (my sweet husband) and I met with my doctor to check on my progress. My due date was just 3 days away. I went in with high hopes expecting great news, but left disappointed along with an induction date for the following week. My body hadn’t made any progress, I was barely dilated and up to this point in my pregnancy I still hadn’t experienced any contractions which made me feel like he wasn’t anywhere near ready to come. It felt like I was going to be pregnant forever. Yikes.

The next day, on Wednesday – I walked, walked, and walked as if it were going out of style. Later that evening, Colin and I went to take a tour of a new gym and while we were in the waiting room I kept telling him I felt like I had a bowling ball sitting on my legs. There was so much pressure and it was quickly increasing.

We returned back home and started eating dinner, I stood up to go grab something from the kitchen and out of nowhere it happened. My water broke. My heart was racing and the adrenaline rush was unlike anything else! We rushed to grab our pre-packed hospital bags and prepared to head out the door. The contractions began and I could barely make it down the stairs. No amount of “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” books or research could have prepared me for what a contraction felt like. Everyone told me that I would just know when it was the real deal, and oh were they right. I couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough.

We arrived to the hospital and everything happened so quickly after that. I was put in a wheel chair, wheeled up to my room and began signing my life away (or so it felt!). I changed into my delivery gown and they strapped my belly up to a monitor. The sound of that sweet little heart beat filled the room, and there was something so comforting about being able to hear it and to know there was the greatest reward on the other side of all this pain.

The nurse wheeled in a bassinet with a newborn sized diaper, hat and swaddle blanket laying on top. Seeing that empty bassinet knowing our tiny angel would soon fill it was all the motivation I needed. The contractions intensified and all i could do was breathe and focus on one at a time.

FYI, there’s nothing better than chewing on ice chips during labor.

Thankfully my momma was in town staying with us so she was able to be at the hospital with us and kept the rest of the family updated while they were on their way from Florida. She was praying over me constantly and reading me text messages of prayers that other family and friends were sending to her. The Lord’s presence in that room was so very evident and as I clung to His word all my fears were put to rest.

I was progressing rather quickly and it was obvious this baby was ready to enter the world. It didn’t take long for me to reach 4cm and once I did, I received my epidural and was 100% pain free. It was the best decision for me and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I am so, so thankful for modern medicine.

A couple more hours passed and the nurse came in to check me like she had done several times since being admitted, but this time was different. After checking me she says, “You’re ready! It’s time!” Then everything seemed to happen so fast and became a beautiful blur after that moment. Nurses in and out, the lights had changed and were now brighter, my doctor entered the room and they started preparing me to deliver. All I could do was cry. Not because I was in pain, but because the wait was finally over and I knew my whole world was about to change. I was so ready.

My husband was holding my hand like he had been doing most of my labor and kissed my head as I got ready to push. It was 2:10am when I started and by 2:26, 16 minutes later – Roman Isaiah Clark was born. He was placed on my chest and all we could do was just stare at this new little person. Our little person. He was the most gorgeous thing we had ever laid eyes on and I knew at that moment I was forever changed. My heart wasn’t prepared for this kind of love. We serve an amazing God.

                     Roman Isaiah Clark

Born on January 14th, 2:26am. Weighing 7lbs 3oz, 20 inches long.

Every good and perfect gift is from above. – James 1:17

Monday, May 11th, 2015.

My husband and I had just returned back to our home in Tennessee after going to Florida for the weekend to surprise our moms for Mother’s Day. I remember feeling so hungry and eating like a mad man that whole weekend, blaming it on a serious case of PMS.

Monday morning came and I could barely roll out of bed – my whole body ached from head to toe and I felt like I had just ran a marathon. I’ve struggled with chronic fatigue for the past several years due to an auto immune disorder but this was a different kind of exhaustion. I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test although I convinced myself it would be negative since I’d thought I was pregnant several other times and it was always a false alarm.

Big. Fat. Positive.

Those two bright pink lines appeared before I was even done peeing on it. At this point, I don’t think I’d ever cried so hard in my life. So many emotions flooded my mind and I was scared, shocked, and so full of joy all at once. My husband’s reaction was so precious and all I could’ve asked for. He wiped my tears and reassured me that this was God’s perfect plan for us.

I had been on birth control our entire marriage up until we both felt like we were keeping God from doing His will in our lives. Although we didn’t plan on trying to have a baby for a few more years, we felt that if we truly wanted to glorify the Lord with every aspect of our lives then we couldn’t continue trying to be in control. We prayed that His perfect will would be done, whether that meant to get pregnant right away, in 10 years, or maybe not even at all – as painful as that would have been.

I came off the pill and 8 short weeks later we got the news that forever changed our lives for the better.